It took me a long time to find my rainbow.
Apparently, I was the only one who couldn’t see it
because when I finally found it, all everyone had to say was,
“Yea, I always knew it was there, I just didn’t want to say anything.”
I can’t believe it took me twenty some odd years to see what everyone already saw
and that has got me pissed. Because I’d like to think that no one knows me better than I do,
but apparently I’ve been wrong about a lot of things lately.
Like, now that I know who the real me is, I thought it should be easy to pick up the pieces.
I thought I’d be able to delve into some instinctual rite of passage
and all the knowledge of the rainbows before mine would be bestowed on me.
And once again, I was wrong.
All I managed to do was fall into a whole new world with new politics, new rules, and new loneliness that feels different than the lonely of yesteryear.
Because it’s all encompassing.
It’s everything.
It’s almost devastating
yet I trudge on because that is what is expected of me.
Trying to lure myself into some sense of false security.
The rain has been pouring on me like I’ve been dying of thirst
and the higher beings finally heard my cries through cracked lips and swollen tongue.
I can barely wade through on some days.
Some days I just want to fall in and sleep.
That eternal sleep.
That deep peace that once achieved you can never turn back.
But today isn’t so bad and I managed to even smile a few times.
There are so many shades of me that most never get to see,
I guess that’s why it was hard to believe that internally I philosophically bleed,
because all that I knew is now untrue and I have no basis from which to stand.
For the first time, I have no plan.
And I stumble quite often,
but I manage to catch my bearings before I hit the bottom.
And it is through my rebirth that I have found my worth, my style my flow
and all the colors that make up my rainbow.
Apparently, I was the only one who couldn’t see it
because when I finally found it, all everyone had to say was,
“Yea, I always knew it was there, I just didn’t want to say anything.”
I can’t believe it took me twenty some odd years to see what everyone already saw
and that has got me pissed. Because I’d like to think that no one knows me better than I do,
but apparently I’ve been wrong about a lot of things lately.
Like, now that I know who the real me is, I thought it should be easy to pick up the pieces.
I thought I’d be able to delve into some instinctual rite of passage
and all the knowledge of the rainbows before mine would be bestowed on me.
And once again, I was wrong.
All I managed to do was fall into a whole new world with new politics, new rules, and new loneliness that feels different than the lonely of yesteryear.
Because it’s all encompassing.
It’s everything.
It’s almost devastating
yet I trudge on because that is what is expected of me.
Trying to lure myself into some sense of false security.
The rain has been pouring on me like I’ve been dying of thirst
and the higher beings finally heard my cries through cracked lips and swollen tongue.
I can barely wade through on some days.
Some days I just want to fall in and sleep.
That eternal sleep.
That deep peace that once achieved you can never turn back.
But today isn’t so bad and I managed to even smile a few times.
There are so many shades of me that most never get to see,
I guess that’s why it was hard to believe that internally I philosophically bleed,
because all that I knew is now untrue and I have no basis from which to stand.
For the first time, I have no plan.
And I stumble quite often,
but I manage to catch my bearings before I hit the bottom.
And it is through my rebirth that I have found my worth, my style my flow
and all the colors that make up my rainbow.
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