Promise

she loved me and
we'd be in love and
as things can happen eventually,
love was no longer enough

you see,
she loved me like my history and
i loved her like war

a deadly combination

i chose to mistake her tentative advances
as my mother's disappointment and
she chose to not see the sincerity
in my violent ignorance and fear tactics

go figure

so we literally loved each other to death,
to ambivalence,
to solitude

who would have thought that love truly doesn't conquer all?
in a sense, it did conquer us
my innocence,
a direct conflict with her insecurity,
left me constantly falling short
and instead of admission,
i pummeled her lands and took what she didn't freely give

and hindsight may be 20/20
but love is 50/50 on a GOOD day
but feels 80/20 on most

and now paths have crossed again
as roads sometimes do and
i am learning her all over again
but i've learned some things about myself as well

like love isn't what you tell it to be
but a fruition of what is when left to blossom

i learned that love is not just what you bring to the table
but what you are willing to go back and get because it is worth it

i promise to let you breathe your own air
if you promise to want my company
if you promise to offer me 100% at least once
i'll promise that you can trust my love

so this time i want to try something new
you try and love me like water
and i'll try to love you like food
and i promise to always be hungry