I Don't Know

© 2008 Sandra Jean-Pierre

I Don't Know
... that I would be human if I didn't miss some of these things
some of these touching things

but I do

miss the way you smell after a shower
that clean sweet scent
of Dove and your skin

but not like that
not like
you'd think
not now

how I miss the
feel of your skin
against my palms
as I contemplate
how your hair between my
fingers will be both wiry
and soft

but not like that
not like
you'd think
not now

I miss those moments
in general

but not with you
not like that
not with you
not now

finally
your face has been
replaced
by this
all loving
all caring
place marker, in my mind

she has replaced all that
you never allowed
or conceded to,
and like that
I am realizing that I don't need you

to be those things
I've been so heartbroken for
those things that youth and living
have convinced you don't matter
after all

when they do
but you won't know that now
won't understand the
wealth that passed through
your hands
like gently held wind

but I am alright
with knowing I won't be there
in that 11th hour moment
for you

not like that
not like
you'd think
not now

cause I've finally
recognized the strength
in walking away.