To my Haitian sisters, young or old, I don’t pretend to know the truth about being a Haitian lesbian but I do know what goes inside of me, this is my truth, my experience.
We never learned from anybody the way to be a lesbian, we just are, we never learned from anybody the way to love a woman, we just love them. This is our truth, this is what we know as a fact when we look and act upon the desires inside of us.
We belong to a minority, we belong to an oppressed group and as such we react sometimes in unreliable ways. Too many times, we cut ourselves short of who we truly are. We accept or promote periodic hidden sexual encounters, we deny ourselves the right to love, and we embrace the right to fuck. We degrade ourselves by choosing a life of sex without love. We become prostitutes, porn addicts, mistresses, second-class lovers. We never allow ourselves to love and commit. We fail to defend the ones we love; we fail to build a life for ourselves.
A homosexual relationship in so many ways is not different from a heterosexual relationship. It involves labor and commitment. It involves being there for the ones we love, waking up in the morning together, facing daily challenges together, working toward a common goal, providing shelter and assistance. Just as if we were married to a man, we would have acted with love and respect, we need to commit ourselves to a better quality of life with a woman. There is no difference whatsoever in these two kinds of relationships, the only one being the sex of the person we love. If we think a homosexual relationship is better or worse, then we are biased in our judgment. It is plain love between two people and because of that, it is both beautiful and challenging. Some days we will feel like a million dollar woman, other days like s…, but that’s the beauty of relationships. They raise us to our higher levels, they lower us to our darkest sides.
I am not saying that we all go out on the streets and march to demand respect or recognition, I am saying that we need to start acting with respect, choosing relationships over lust, choosing love over porn sex. I am talking about two women being together for better of for worse, as a couple. I know it can be frightening and difficult, there is no place to go and learn. Let’s just listen to our hearts. Let’s create our own ways to existence, let’s build a network of women with dignity and pride….for ourselves and the future generations.
New York, July 18, 2005
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3 comments:
Yemaya,
Thank you for this brave post. The urgency of your call for Haitian lesbians to be "out" (about LOVE) is necessary and heeded.
I want you to know that in addition to the Haitian lesbians who might "become prostitutes, porn addicts, mistresses, second-class lovers," some of us become and ARE warrior-poets. We hold our love for women on our tongues and in our bodies, speaking our politicized passions loudly, as often as possible, and to as many ears that can perk up within the sound of our hoarse voices. With little to no prompting--and often at the embarrassment (and secret admiration) of our frightened foremothers--we relentlessly recite about the intersections of race, culture, class, gender, sexuality, spirit and love.
I once told an interviewer that the revolutionary spirit of the 1804 slave revolt that resulted in Haitian independence is the spirit that urges me to insist on my sexual and emotional freedom. Love is the most revolutionary act; love of self is the crucial first step. I know from first-hand experience that when, desparate for community, we search "Haitian lesbian," most of the Google results point to our isolation, chronic loneliness, exotification and exploitation. But we are not alone. You are not alone! Love and peace to you, Sister.
Kenbe La, Lenelle.
www.lenellemoise.com
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